i dream of being possible

y u asking for my receipts like the IRS?

Yesterday’s thing with the whole odofemi shit coming up and getting triggered by the situation all over again makes me think that there is a principle I’ve been living by for the past year or two that is worth repeating:

I don’t provide receipts for calling my oppressors, oppressors anymore

That one response to the odofemi thing by a person saying that it is a serious claim, slanderous no less, to call a white woman racist is exactly why I don’t bother anymore. My personal interaction with her is documented on this blog. So. Like. I know what happened to me. If she remembers me at all, she knows what happened too.

She didn’t care then and I doubt she cares now about the harm she did to me.

What I don’t care about now, and in the future, is whether or not people believe tha a white woman did a fucked up white supremacist thing that actively harmed me. Not when calling a white woman racist is, apparently, now slander. Despite endless discussions about how racism is institutional and, by being so, all white people are complicit. Apparently… we are fine with this in the abstract (as long as it remains cold, bloodless theory) but not when it comes to interpersonal relationships. When it comes down to me (transpinay) and her (white). On this level? I’m fucking slandering her good name and ruining her professional reputation.1

But whatever, none of that matters. What matters is that she made me cry, and I don’t cry easily. Why? Because I’ve learned to be tough. Or rather, I learned long ago – first from my parents and then the entire fucking world – that no one gives a flying fuck when I cry. My tears are futile and useless. They accomplish nothing. So I don’t cry. Likewise, I don’t expect my tears to convince anyone, which is why I don’t bother linking to the blog post.

Moreover: I’m not having a fucking discussion about this. I made a rule a while back that I refuse to discuss my humanity. This includes with odofemi (who seemed to want to discuss this) and with her stans. You think that the harm I experienced is irrelevant or just a personal grudge? Fine. I’m not discussing my humanity with you. Literally the end of the fucking story.


I’ve literally said for years that I’m a petty, bitter bitch and some ppl don’t take that seriously. Or think I’m just trying to be ‘cute’. I’m not.

I’m a petty. bitter. bitch. Ok? You got that?

So. Yeah. Part of my issue with odofemi is deeply personal and totally a grudge.

What the fuck is your point?

What does that have to do with anything?

Why does me, after experiencing harm bc of her white supremacy/racism, calling her a racist have anything to do with you?

This is my wound. My pain. My utter lack of forgiveness and forgetfulness.

I fucking remember.

I will never forgive.

This does mean I’ll mention how she is a racist bitch every so often, bc I’m petty like that.

But notice how I don’t stalk her? I don’t repeatedly try to engage her? How I avoid her at all costs? How I’m not running a smear campaign to get everyone I know to stop interacting with her? NOTICE ALL THESE THINGS?

This is what separates my petty self from the people like alostbird/savannah. And it is a distinction ppl would do well to remember since talking about the harm that odofemi did to me is NOT a greater offense that the harm she caused.

You fucking assholes.