vagaries of the past
yesterday i was called out for using something homophobic – and rightly so
I really should have known better too. I mean… while it may be the case that I didn’t realize this particular phrase was homophobic, i should have known from the source…
my old room-mate.
i lived with a cishet white d00d for 4-5 years. we were friends for over 10.
in so many different ways, this was a horrible relationship for me. today he stands as one of the literal embodiments of everything I resist.
he is whom i learned everything a person needs to know about ironic hipster oppression.
he actually called me, continuously for years a slanty eyed chinaman (or bastard).
he is a self-confessed misogynist
he is a self-confessed racist
he is transmisogynist (it was largely at his encouragement that i stopped presenting as femme)
he is homophobic
he is abusive
a lot of the times, I knew he was wrong (but not always, and not about everything: i mean… i entirely changed my gender presentation. so yeah. i got fucked).
he destroyed my self-esteem (well, what little i had leftover from childhood – not much to speak of, really)
it will take me years to recover and heal from that relationship
(in the meantime, though, i need to remember to never repeat anything he said. ever.)