i dream of being possible

upon realizing u need a medical knight (er advocate)

if anyone’s been following me long enough, they’ll know that my health for the past little while hasn’t been great. i burned out a while back. been running on fumes for a while. and was officially done back in september.

diagnoses have been piling up. many little health problems that i’d been ignoring for years have suddenly turned into Big Problems and suddenly i’m dealing with like, eight comorbid disorders and i’m sitting here going: my brain is pudding.

anyway. this little rollar coaster we call my health went for a plunge after i started topirimate as a way to treat my new shiny diagnosis for chronic migraines/tenion-type headaches. something which yeah, thinking back, i’d been complaining about for like two years on twitter.

anyway. problem: this medication is causing me some serious fatigue and major brain fog. and, at the lower dose i was on, not at all ‘preventing’ my headaches.

on the higher dose, its helping somewhat. still getting headaches, though they are not quite as bad. yay? the fatigue isn’t as bad either, but its still there.

between the fatigue and brain fog, i’ve basically been unable to work. been leaving work early. basically just not doing stuff when i am there. and yesterday, i went on sick leave.

today, i’m seeing a neuro-opthamologist. i’m not actually sure why. but its an opportunity. but i’m fucking stupid right now. so i decided to ask my betrothed to attend with me and be my medical advocate.

but i’ve decided isn’t just going to be for while i’m on this med. i’m very passive with doctor’s. its a thing. whatever. but i’m also autistic. and as laid out in my Official Diagnosis, being autistic is very relevant in one particular way, for me: i was in the 2nd percentile when it came to how quickly i process information.

i am, quite literally, slow.

after years of existing and passing as Normal, sure, i know how to fake it. literally no one who meets me would think this. and yet….

it usually takes me at least until i’m home or sometime later that day to really process what happened at the doctor’s and how i feel about it.

this isn’t so bad when its my gp. i can book an appointment with him again in a week. with a specialist like the one i’m seeing today? between referral and the appointment, it would’ve been like eight months (they had a cancellation, so i’m seeing them like six months early). so if i miss out on getting what i need from this appointment, it could literally be half a year before i get another shot.

so. i’m getting myself a medical advocate. and well. i do sort of know the implications of what this means. especially since i did tell my fiance quite explicitly: i need you to like actually talk for me. not just be there for moral support, but like. advocate.

i need a champion. a knight!