i dream of being possible

updates and stuff

i feel like this blog is being super neglected. and it is. all of my blogs are being neglected. 🙁

i”ve been around mostly on twitter. but not even that much.

my life is sort of…

idk. falling apart? a big giant fucking mess?

of course, no one really much reads this blog anymore, i don”t think…

i”ve somewhat considered just migrating a bunch of my posts from here to tumblr. but i do like having my own space. not that i”m really using it much these days….

i”m depressed (again). been a few years since i”ve been in this place again.

i spend way too much time laying around in my bed trying to get myself to do things

and, for all that i”ve been super into understanding disability and stuff like depression, this is my first field test on myself in trying to implement what i”ve learned

it is really REALLY fucking hard

i keep telling myself that i should just, um, you know tell the ppl who”re relying on me for stuff that i”m depressed and shit just might not get done.

but never in my life have i actually allowed myself to take care of myself in that way. everything has always been about desperately trying to meet deadlines and expectations. feeling shitty. and spending the time in between mostly wishing i could just give up and die.

now that i”m thinking about it, i think i stopped using this blog as much bc i was going to be all

“i”ll use this for my longer/important posts!”

and i just haven”t really had the energy/motivation/inspiration to write… even as i send out bunches of tweets about stuff.</p>