i dream of being possible

tw disassociation

it wasn’t until talking with someone on tumblr that i sort of realized that maybe i actually do have some problems/experiences with disassociation and more frequently that i really think…

like it is pretty much an everyday feeling for me to sort of think that the outside world is really real. especially as it concerns other people. like i have a lot of trouble dealing with other people mostly because they don’t really seem real to me.

and. now that i’m really thinking about it. i think one of reasons i do much better online is because, without the stress and anxiety of being out of the house, I’m able to interact with people with the belief that they are really real. ie, people online seem more real to me because i’m not disassociating, which i think is pretty common for me whenever i leave the house. (although, this isn’t to say that i necessarily have an easy time really feeling emotionally connected to other people, even online)

i definitely think that it is related both to my anxiety and to the non-verbal learning disorder (like… anxiety partially caused by the nld and the fact that nld makes it hard for me to understand body language and the like and so dealing with people really stresses me out because i can rarely feel like i know or can know what they are thinking and then they confuse me and their faces are incomprehensible to me.)