i dream of being possible

The Vagaries of Having a 'Brand'

after going to the qtpoc tumblr meetup yesterday at the amc, a bunch of people came up to me and were all

“i loved ur blog, when it was still around!”

which was super weird and not the point of this post

i was surprised (or, i guess bemused) to hear this because, um, my blog is still around? lol.

still on tumblr (http://binaohan.tumblr.com). my main blog (this one) is, of course still around. has been around the longest, even if i”ve shifted urls like a billion times.

in a lot of ways, what happened last night let me know that i really made the right decision in deciding to migrate my tumblr. because ‘biyuti” really had become my ‘web brand”. i fucking loathe the notion of branding as far as ppl goes (or in general, tbh).

this was a good step b/c while i started biyuti publishing, i have taken a few steps back, as far as the daily management and stuff goes. i don”t want to be a public person. biyuti publishing has someone to do that now (nina). she can take care of all of this stuff.

one of the reasons i”ve stepped back from using ‘biyuti” as my online pseud is because of this brand issue. back when i started biyuti publishing, it was meant to be a vanity project for myself. and because it sounded nice while incorporating my name.

now, though, it is getting much, much bigger than I could have imagined. and i don”t want people to think that ‘biyuti publishing” = biyuti = me. there are so many other amazing people getting published with biyuti publishing that i don”t want any of their work to necessarily be associated with me as an individual. with the publishing house, sure. but not with me.

i”m not really meant for the business/entrepenurial life. i just want to write. and think about things. i want biyuti publishing to be a thing that can exist without me, if it needs to. i want awesome twoc who may not like me still want to work with biyuti publishing. and i”m pretty sure this won”t happen if people think

biyuti publishing = biyuti = me

biyuti publishing is already bigger than me.

which is why i”m switched to blogging under my pen name that i use for biyuti publishing itself (ie, b. binaohan).

that way i can also exist as a distinct person from biyuti publishing.

another reason why migrating tumblrs was a good choice:

how much space i was taking up. i”m super glad that ppl enjoy my words and that i helped them out and stuff. but i”m not the only fantastic thinker out there. there is so much brilliance and genius expressed by people who have a hard time getting ‘exposure” (whatever the fuck that means).

i guess what i”m saying… is that i don”t ‘fans”. i don”t. i want comrades. people i can work in solidarity with. i also want what othe rpeople want: to read and witness people and their lives that fucking fill me with joy and hope for the future.

and… this isn”t going to happen if i”m taking up so much space that no one else can get a word in.

i think people might be surprised at how few followers the biyuti tumblr had. i”m getting teh impression that some think i was/am far more tumblr famous than i actually was. the last tumblr had something like 1600 or so followers. a log. but not that much compared to a bunch of people i follow/interact with on a regular basis. i”ve never put any effort into building a large number of followers. not what i”m about.

esp. not when i”m still 100% convinced that whatever happens, my role in bring about a free future should never be as a leader. i have my set of privileges. and if we are talking about something like decolonization (as i often do), i need to take a seat behind Indigenous peoples and/or Black peoples — esp. Black women — and/or peoples currently in a iaopoc non-settler state (unlike me) and/or

if decolonization is to have any substantive meaning or the best possible chance for surviving, it cannot have me or people like me as the leaders. the leaders of a thing should always be drawn from the people most impactd by the thing. i have my struggles, but i am not that person. i cannot speak for those people. i cannot (should) not ‘lead” them.

when i think about the future and how we can move towards freedom, the way i imagine myself is simply being primed and ready to go once the leaders have decided the day is now. my role, via my writing and other activities, is to help get more people get themselves ready to go, when the time comes. that is really it. this is where i see myself fitting in.

deleting my previous tumblr was a good movie. i have about 1/5th my previous levels of followers. i hope those other 4/5ths having found other wonderful people ot fill the void i didn”t leave behind.</p>