i dream of being possible

the many layers of being a hairy ladyboy

I had this up on tumblr and wanted to preserve it here:

i don’t think anyone who isn’t a trans woman can really understand our relationship to body/facial hair.

like… there are so many layers to my personal relationship to it.

first… there was the shock and dismay that i wasn’t turning out to be relatively hairless like my dad (thus feeling ugly and embarrassed to be like… probably the hairiest person in my entire family).

second… was then getting caught up in the predatory gaze of old gay white men who love ~smooth~ asian boys.

third… was eventually reaching some level of peace with it.

fourth… was deciding to present as a woman/femme in my everyday life.

fifth… was realizing just how much of a target facial/body hair puts on you as a trans woman.

sixth… is deciding to capitulate to white/cis normative ‘beauty’ standards so that i could feel a little safer whenever i leave the house.

seventh… is then spending thousands of dollars to remove a beard that i actually had started to like.

eighth… is having to maintain an irritating shaving regemine for my face and chest so that errant hairs to give me away.

ninth… is feeling somewhat guilty and embarrassed for capitulating to white/cis normative beauty standards.

tenth… is getting to see ppl call me (and others who might actually be reasonably okay with their hair) a ‘fake trans woman’ simply because i don’t hate that part of my body.

eleventh… is also getting called a fake woman in general simply because the hair grows.

twelfth… is seeing white cis bodies celebrated for being beautiful, brave, and revolutionary for growing body or facial hair.

i could go on but i’m going to stop now.