i dream of being possible

something that i think is necessary but will be tough to do

I’m having a fairly intense discussion about neglect/abuse right now.

And… I think it is finally time to pose some questions to my mom. For the most part, I don’t talk to her anymore. But it isn’t as definitive as my dad (to whom I’ll never speak again). With her it is more… I let her stay facebook friends with me so that she knows I’m alive, but I otherwise refuse or resist any other kind of contact.

For several reasons.

But. It does mean that I can ask her some questions, and because she is or has been a little more accountable than my dad, will actually give me honest answers.

Another reason: in my research for NLD I’m finding out that it is almost always caused by some sort of brain injury or head trauma. And since I can’t actually remember being a baby, I need to ask someone who does. Also someone who I know for sure (with my sister at least) punched her stomach while pregnant and was otherwise physically abusive while she was an infant.

And I don’t know if any of this happened to me.

And I think it is time to find out.

I also want answers to questions like:

  1. When did I start talking? Reading?
  2. What was I like as a baby?

That sort of thing. Get a better understanding of me as a baby.