i dream of being possible

So... I just took an online IQ test

And scored a 50. Basically meaning that I have what they called “severe mental r****tion” (which…. can I say, IQ test? Fuck you for using that language)

Anyway. I’m somewhat bemused by it. But I do understand why I scored so poorly. Mainly relating to my inability to visualize. All those fucking questions that rely on you to finish a visual pattern is just not something I can do. I don’t understand them.

What also killed me was this class of question where I just didn’t understand what they wanted. Something to do with letters but they weren’t words and I was supposed to pick the one that didn’t fit in. But the way the question was phrased (in this test at least) and how they looked just… I didn’t understand. Then were the number questions… I do fine with numbers and math but only when they fit within a particular system. Like, I can recognize a sequence of prime numbers because I know what the rules for prime numbers are.

One of the things that really interested me about the NLD thing is always how they’ll say that kids with it will do poorly in math…. except that math in in grade school is based on the rote memorization of a finite set of rules that you just consistently apply until you have an answer. You don’t actually need to be able to visualize things, regardless of how many visual metaphors math relies on.

Anyway… So. I’m thinking that if I were to ever get the money to seek a formal diagnosis, I probably don’t have anything to worry about. Since one key test is the Weschler Intelligence Scale showing a difference of 20 or greater between the verbal and performance. It is unlikely that I’d fail to meet this basic criteria. Not when I just can’t fucking handle those fucking picture questions. Meaningless.


(but, fuck, was taking that test frustrating to look at all this shit that i don’t understand and have never been able to do. it is why i’ve never actually taken an IQ test because i look at those pictures and I feel… dumb. one of the few situations where i do because i don’t understand what they have to do with my ‘intelligence’)