i dream of being possible

one of those days

went in for my second criminal record check today (basically getting my fingerprints done so they can be sent to the rcmp)

and because of old crusty white guy, it was pretty much humiliating and dehumanizing right from the very beginning.


the random racist comment about my not ‘making my name easier” because, of course, if a poc with a non-anglo/white name changes our name, it should always be so that white people have an easier time pronouncing it. of course, i mean i it isn”t like i”ve already lived a life where people stumble and mispronounce my old last name all the fucking time. i want my tagalog name to be opaque and difficult for white people.

asking me about my genitals when i said i wanted him to put ‘f” on my application. he was all… “oh, so you are um… surgery?” and i was like… “in this province there is no surgical requirement” “oh, i don”t know what to put if you are between” me: {fuck you}

ultimately deciding not to use ‘f” b/c it doesn”t match my id despite the fact for this partiuclar thing, it doesn”t actually matter what gender marker i put for this app. DOESN”T MATTER BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAS MY OLD LEGAL NAME. there no way anyone would need to use gender to disambiguate me from all the other non-people with my name.

calling in his coworker to ask a question and then her misgendering me the entire time. despite the fact that it is pretty fucking clear what is going on. and why i am changing my name.

i basically just want to give up on everything today. i”m not going to do much. i have a phone meeting later and that is all. i”m fucking done.

i feel subhuman and depressed.</p>