i dream of being possible

on taking breaks

so far, taking a break from engaging with ppl on social media has been pretty good for me.

as has taking some serious time to really think about how i”ve been engaging and my motivations for doing so

part of the circumstances that led to my recent callout for being anti-Black, that i”d step into a discussion clearly not for me and speak over and contradict a Black woman on a matter of Blackness is, yes, getting too comfy

but as a part of this, somewhat realizing that ‘getting to comfy” is partially a result because i”ve allowed the praise i recieve to become far too important than it should be in my head.

i don”t write and think about stuff so that i”m able to ‘say the right thing” all of the time. or to get cookies for being a good ‘ally”. and yet…. i”m not entirely clear that my behaviour recently holds true to that.

as human, i”m just as susceptible to hubris and pride as anyone else. and this is a dangerous thing when it comes to matters of oppression because it means me thinking that — beyond all reason — i, as non-Black person, have the right to speak authoritatively about Blackness. and have the right to jump into whatever conversation to speak over the very people who experience the oppression i”m setting myself up as authority over. this is anti-Blackness at its finest.

i have a lot still to learn and i really need to fucking remember that and respect boundaries and shut the fuck up and listen when it comes to stuff i don”t experience. my learning also cannot come at the expense over other oppressed ppl (particularly if i have relative privilege over them — as is the case with my light skin pinay self in relation to Black ppl).

i know that i mentioned that i might delete the tumblr (and/or twitter) but i”m not going to. it wouldn”t serve any real purpose since i”m keeping my main blog and i”m not giving up on biyuti publishing.

indeed, this has reminded me that what i ought to be focusing on is biyuti publishing.

(especially since i seriously have like 6 books i”m fucking working on and i need to get this shit accomplished like you wouldn”t believe)</p>