i dream of being possible

on being unapologetically awesome

after writing this strugg appreciation post and seeing their subsequent post on their haters wanted them to degrade themselves, plus all the recent harassment and whatever of people calling me stupid, the r-slur, i wanted to have a chat about being awesome and not apologizing for it.

i”m somewhat reminded of Kanye West here, who I know I”ve seen some gifset about him talking about how everyone is constantly telling him to be less confident and forthright about his awesomness.1

i”ve said this before and i”ll say it again: i know i”m a great philosopher. i have great thoughts and excellent insight.

I”ve also no doubt that all the ppl hate following me and the trolls on reddit/lj/dreamwidth disagree (actually, I know they disagree). And i don”t care.

I may lack self-esteem in a lot of ways. get trapped in anxiety spirals about my writing and whether or not i”m fucking up and being oppressive (as opposed to just generally being oppressive by leveraging my privileges over other ppl — something pretty much unavoidable, no matter how much you try to check your privilege).

but i never feel this way about the ideas i express, even if my language skills occassionally fail me in expressing them in coherent or legible ways.

and i”m not going to say otherwise. I”m not going to degrade and debase myself or how i present my ideas so that ppl can find them easier to swallow.

this is also why, by and large, i refuse to further explain myself or otherwise defend my ideas. a la Confucious, if I gave you one corner… your fucking job to come back with three.

beyond this

i really wish these tools would remember:2

i don”t write for you. i don”t to convince my oppressors of anything, certainly not that i”m a human being worthy of respect.

surprisingly, i don”t care about whether or not my oppressors find worth in my philosophy.

do. not. care.

in some ways, it is even encouraging.

u don”t understand oppression, b/c ur oppressors. u also don”t want to understand, because you have a vested interest in not doing so.

indeed, you have a vested interest in doing exactly what you have been doing: pointing and laughing and mocking me and my ideas (without even the barest attempt to engage them — on my terms, because I will never accept yours).

my writing isn”t for you. i don”t care if you understand. i”m definitely not going to get into discussions about it with my inferiors.

so. yeah. i”m unapologetically awesome. the ppl i talk with regularly are also awesome (so are many of the people i don”t talk with regularly).

i”m genius and better than you.