of all my regrets
this story i”m currently listening to is, in part, about this self hating gay cis d00d who has an experience of seeing false memories of a life where he is straight.
and this is a fundamental thing i just don”t get.
don”t get me wrong
i do wish many things in my life were easier.
i wish that i didn”t have to deal with transmisogynist microaggressios like i experienced today at work
the ones that remind me that i”m not safe in public and that even in the ~staff only~ washrooms, i”d best stick to the only gender neutral washroom. which often leads me to holding it in far longer than is actually comfortable.
does this mean i wish i was cis?
it makes me wish that my desire to see transmisogyny and binarism reduced to rubble could be realized sometime in the next five minutes
when i was trying to pull off the cis gay thing, i never wished that i were straigh.
i did wish that society would let me be as free as i felt.
with all the racism and white supremacy i”ve experienced
i never once ever wanted to be white
(and, lol, i”m mestisa, so i”m already half white and that is more than enough as far as i”m concerned.)
instead, i want to dismantle white supremacy. this can also be ashes.
the thing is…
is that while this stuff is difficult
it is not nearly as fruitless a desire as the people who”ve internalized their oppression
the desire to maybe become what oppresses as a means to escape oppression.
maybe ur life would be easier
but it wouldn”t be better</p>