i dream of being possible

not only looking backwards anymore

so. i made an announcement on tumblr that my pronouns are now “she, her, and so on”

i also made this comment on a reply to taleth:

and while i’m secure in my ID, I’m also unclear as what the boundary is of me IDing as bakla/3rd gender because it is who i am and not wanting to ID as a woman because of the giant fucking piles of internalised transmisogyny that i’m still trying to work through. one of the reasons why i’m shifting rn is because I am beginning to understand that while my soul/gender looks towards my ancestors, i live here. now. raised in a settler state where i grew up with the understanding that i must pick one. for me it isn’t just politics, it is me finally understanding that nostalgia for a place and time that is lost to me, doesn’t help me or all #girlslikeus right fucking now. it is me (finally) understanding that being a twoc doesn’t negate me being bakla. I began this shift when i started using ‘transpinay’ instead of ‘transpin@y’. which wasn’t only about giving an explicit marker of my femininity, but making peace with that part of my colonised history. that i must either be pinoy or pinay. man or woman. so. transpinay. twoc. trans pilipina. i wish my brain had been in a better place so i could of maybe expressed this all to you

in a conversation a long while ago, i told Taleth that i found it useful to sort out my ID and other stuff re: colonisation and gender by trying to imagine how ppl like me lived before the spanish fucked everything up. i still find it useful. since, yeah, the past has shaped the present.

but, right now, in the present, we are currently shaping the future. taleth also wrote that we are in a critical moment of history for #girlslikeus:

I honestly feel like now is an extremely important time for trans theory. Like, an extremely important moment in discussing theory, because we’ve got the groundwork, we’ve reclaimed the terms, and we’re now working on how to best describe the structural forces at play that keep people down…

it isn’t so much just about ~politics~ or ~solidarity~ as much as me understanding that

in the hear and now

i am who i’ve always been.

but i’m also a trans woman of colour.

and this is a wonderful, awesome, powerful thing that is just so fucking amazing b/c i’ve met so many twoc who inspire me, push me, and make me see a lot of biyuti in the world that i’ve been missing for a really long fucking time.