i dream of being possible

my biggest ambition is to buy fresh broccoli

Starting in September it looks like my household income will have a dramatic increase, as my br0 starts his PhD and the scholarship money starts rolling in. Amusingly, before paying tuition, his total amount of scholarship money is more than yearly income. Tuition and other expenses (particularly his inter-city commute) will take a big bite out of that. Nonetheless… I’ve been day dreaming about all the things we can do with the extra income… like buying fresh vegetables again! Or getting to buy cereal! Not having to beg for money on the internet! Its a whole new world of mundane possibilities.

The fresh veggie situation is particularly exciting now that I think I’ve recovered enough from depression to actually start cooking again. Like actual cooking. As in making meals that require preparation like chopping vegetables. Or whatever. I was given a crockpot forever ago that I haven’t used a single time because I’ve been too depressed to function for a long time now. But imagine the soups I can make in the winter! S O U P.

I think one of the most fun things about being poor is just how mundane your dreams become. Fresh broccoli not only ‘feels’ like a luxury it is, in actual fact, a luxury. I think the last time we bought some it was for my birthday or whatever. Maybe I’ll be able to switch off of pay-as-you-go and have data on my phone again (probably not bc I haven’t really missed it, but that’s not the point). I’ll be able to get a buspass again! Instead of having to carefully ration bus tokens to ensure we stay in the budget.

Of course all of this stuff is part of why the whole ‘millenial entitlement’ thing really fucking irritates me. Particularly as it concerns the hyperfocus on ‘our’ consumption habits. Once upon a time, it was a dream of mine to own my own home. Based on my life plan, I was supposed to be in a position to buy when I hit 40. Something that, lol, is not going to actually happen given that I’m already 33 and underemployed in a deadend career/job. I still have student loans to pay off (which, thanks to being disabled, I don’t have to make payments atm but this might change with the increase in my household income).

My ‘dream’ for the future is getting sufficient documentation of my disabilities to get disability assistance. I’ll probably keep writing bc I like doing it but I’d really like to not have to try and sell it anymore. Trying to profit from my writing is my least favourite part of the whole process. But… for now, this is how I’m feeding myself. So. My other main dream is not dying.

Super exciting yes?

I can’t remember why I start this post… and I’m falling asleep. So bye!