i dream of being possible

lessons imperfectly learned -- what i've learned from @metalmujer

i disappointed someone I admire and like a great deal today. how did i do so? by iterating a type of transmisogyny that she constantly and continuously has drawn my attention to. the distinction in question is discussed in this post

understandably, seeing me espouse transmisogyny not only hurt her but caused her to despair of whether or not her voice makes a difference.

a bit of history:

in the early times of reading voz’s feed it occasionally crossed my mind that her focus on transmisogyny (and cissexism) was so total that it caused her to become… idk, a single ‘issue’ person.

i’m wrong. and she isn’t.

i’m sure that i’m not the only person who has ever had this thought about voz. i probably won’t be the last.

of course, i’m glad that i stomped on that thought and stuck with getting to know her and reading her feed and listening to the things that she was saying.

i’ve been going through some of my older posts ‘cuase i’m going to publish them soon, and in reading them i can see just how far I’ve come. how much i’ve grown. there is a great deal of stuff in those old posts that I know voz would similarly find disappointing and probably hurtful (b/c it is oppressive).

but the fact that i can see this now is largely a testament to how much I’ve been influenced by her.

what i didn’t know then but what i know now is that voz operates with a complete belief in one idea: that we matter. that we are important and that we deserve to be front and centre when it comes to the road to liberation.

and this is the lesson i’ve learned imperfectly. it is moments like today where i can continue to take stock about how much transmisogyny i’ve internalized, how much i’ve shed, and how much further i need to go

before i truly and utterly believe that i matter. that transmisogyny needs to be central to how i process and understand the world.

where was i before i met voz?

i still didn’t think that there was any community for me (I’m not joking: I sincerely would not have any belief that I belonged amongst #girlslikeus if not for her). she, more than anyone, has given me a sense of belonging, place, and community.

voz matters. i matter. #girlslikeus fucking matter.

and whenever i fail to act and express myself in ways that demonstrate the truth of that?

is when i hurt people i care about. is when i enact the same oppressive mindset of cis people everywhere.

ive come far, a large part due to the care and love voz has shown me, and i still have further to go.