i dream of being possible

fork mayo

i watched an old white man eat mayo with a fork. ew.

i ate a meal that consisted of mainly cream. with other stuff. it was weird.

because i decided to pay closer attention to my social habits and stuff, i noticed that there was a point during dinner tonight when i totally had sensory overload and everything was too fucking loud but i could ear absolutely everything that was happening. I just wanted to walk away from the dinner and come back later. it helped me to do this thing i do where i roll bits of napkin between my fingers. I do this all the time. and i do it often enough that my fingers have giant callouses from all the napkins i’ve rolled between them. i like the texture. and it helps me focus.

i see other people starting their new year’s reflections or year end reflections. but because i dno’t celebrate any holidays other than birthdays, i usually save that sort of thinking for my bday. where i do do something awesome for my friends, but I also spend the day quietly reflecting on the previous year and assessing stuff.

i love being in a relationship with another introvert because it means that at the end of a long day of socializing he is just as ready as i am for some quiet time without fucking talking or interacting with each other. i’m so grateful for that.