i dream of being possible

everyone is abusive and no one is an abuser

this post is about me and me only. and i’m seriously not looking to be comforted.

one of the hardest things, i think, about discussing abuse – especially but not limited to online communities – is that few, if any, actually will simply own up to what they do.

I have been abused. I have also been an abuser. [1. and/or an abuse enabler – although i don’t really see much difference between enabling abuse and being the abuser yourself]

And, sometimes (often), I’ve abused my abusers. Or my abusers have been abused by me.

There are many forms of abuse, which means it is pretty easy for someone to abuse you in one way at the exact same time that you are abusing them in a different way. Or even in the same way.

Because of how i grew up (ie, neglect & abuse), i don’t really know much about how to have functional, healthy relationships with other people. I know this. It is one of the reasons why I continuously interrogate my behaviour and how I’m relating to other people.

yes. i do have anxiety, which means I occasionally get worked up over nothing.

but, to a certain extent, i’d rather worry too much about whether or not i’m being abusive than not worrying enough.

people talk about accountability

but always in reference to other people.

if we are going to start an accountability process, who’s willing to be first?