i dream of being possible


recently saw something ‘motivational’ about remembering who you wanted to be. or something like that.

And. sure. this type of aspirational motivation is pretty common. and it is good.

but is this the only way that we can ‘grow’ or ‘improve’ over time?

in many ways…

i feel like a lot of what I’m doing is not trying to become a person i aspire to


rather working hard to heal past hurts

to recover

a sense of self i used to have

to reconnect

to my roots and my history and who i was

(my sister always says that i was a pretty sunny and outgoing kid. that i was friendly and engaging.

but that was before the

neglect, abuse, racism, transmisogyny, homophobia, fucking life

and I always wonder…