after how i slept last night…

i officially give up. i took a nap yesterday bc i realized that my experiment to see if poor sleep hygiene was responsible for my insomnia. and… it is and it isn”t. i learned from the nap yesterday that poor sleep hygience definitely does make the insomnia worse, but is not the cause. i still think the cause is prozac.

then again, my sleep apnea could also be worse than before, such that instead of small, unnoticeable interruptions of my sleep, i”m actually going to full consciousness once or twice a night.

in the end though… it doesn”t really matter. even if prozac is the cause of my current insomnia, it still leaves sleep apnea.

i remember my trial with the cpap machine. even after many weeks i never got used to sleeping with the fucking thing, waking up several times a night. maybe given enough time, i might get used to it. again, doesn”t matter bc i can”t afford one anyway.

so i”m giving up. officially.

i think i just need to accept that somnolence is simply going to be a constant companion. that my good days will be mostly alert with periodic bouts of rnadomly falling asleep. and that my bad days will be enough sleepiness to be fatigue and a general inability to do much of anything bc i”m too fucking sleepy.

sigh