i dream of being possible

why racist preferences in the white gay community hit

Because I heard, while I was still in the community, for years how I was ugly, unattractive, undateable because I’m Asian. 

I worried for *years* about seeming too queeny and too femme, even though I am femme, because I was worried about confirming the negative stereotypes about Asian men.

Because I systematically destroyed my sense of self to try and conform to white standards about masculinity. 

I internalized years of femme and trans phobia, trans misogyny, just because I was lonely and wanted love too. 

Spent years going to clubs by myself and being too shy to talk to people and barely anyone saying anything to me. 

Years trying to date online and seeing profile after profile declaring “no Asians.”

Years of dating fetishizing old white rice queens because I was afraid that I wouldn’t get anyone else. 

The sad thing? I am still privileged by my light skin (and later by white passing offline). I still had better and more opportunities than my darker skinned poc friends. My dating experiences were reasonably good, comparatively and considering the vast unrepentant racism in the white gay community. 

You can ‘prefer’ to date whoever the fuck you want and I’ll stay calling you a white supremacist asshole. 

(and I didn’t even get into gender stuff with this post…)