i dream of being possible

surpluses of love

reading teen wolf fic and like all shows dealing with high school and the inevitable college dilemma, one of the driving plot points for fic (this is definitely true of Klaine which i generally like but also have this same frustration)

is that moment when people have to go to college and negotiate what will happen to their romantic relationship

I’ll admit that…. about 99% of these stories mystify me because i apparently do emotions wrong or whatever.

but i wonder how much of it comes from the surplus of love that most of these writers must have in their lives. or at least enough to have expectations that love (from anyone) can be just… idk. treated more casually that i’d ever be able to.

then again… my life has been a barren field of love.

not many people have loved me. and only one has loved me in a way that i can actually believe, understand, and trust.

lots of people have claimed to love me… but. it usually wasn’t true. or if it was true, it wasn’t communicated in a way that i could understand (which amounts to much the same, as far as i’m concerned).

love is such a rare, precious thing in my life that i literally cling to it. would sacrifice pretty much anything for it.

i don’t understand most of the people i read in these stories. i don’t understand why they do the things they do. make the decisions they do. never makes any sense to me.

(now that i think about it… maybe this is why i like fiction so much. it helps reduce some of the mystery surrounding people and all the confusing shit they do. not that it does much because almost 25 years of reading have netted me almost no clarity)