i dream of being possible

seeing some interesting kind of discussion going around (again always again) about how people...

seeing some interesting kind of discussion going around (again always again) about how people who’ve (most often) have had a traumatic experience with a cis man

and thus are triggered by penises…


i don’t expect triggers to be rational. and the only thing you accomplish in trying to rationalize something that cannot be rationalized is being transmisogynist and, thus, oppressing trnas women

as a survivor, u don’t have to fucking justify or rationalize why you are triggered by a thing.

but u sure as fuck don’t need to be going around asking ppl to absolve u for something that doesn’t actually require it. ur fucking triggers r ur triggers. end of the fucking story already.

u know what happens, though, when we start having a fucking discussion where u force trans women listen to ur fucking rationalizations for ur trigger?

what happens is that u decide ur personal experiences and triggers must necessarily become everyone’s business and, in so doing, decide that ur individual psychological state is more important that the dignity of an entire group of people.

this just makes u a selfish asshole.

the argument can never been won. and it doesn’t need to be.

invariably, this is how it goes

“i refuse to sleep with anyone who has a penis because a man with a penis assualted me once”

“but that is transmisogynist and gender essentialist”

“y u shame me as survivor? and it isn’t essentialist. just penis is triggering. is all. i don’t hate trans women. promise”

and in circles we go. and nothing can be acomplished by this b/c triggers aren’t rational. yes. having a trigger about penises when it was a man with penis who assaulted u is essentialist. it was a person who did the thing, not the organ. it is the person who is the agent, not their body part.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with having this trigger. BECAUSE TRIGGERS AREN’T REQUIRED TO BE RATIONAL. so. stop. trying. to. rationalize. it.

the only time THE ONLY TIME ppl get into trouble about having a trigger like this is…………….


u can’t come up with a rational explanation for this trigger that isn’t transmisogynist. sooo…. maybe just stop? stop trying to explain it away. it is simply the reality you must exist in. stop looking for validation and absolution. this is not something that actually requires it. u don’t need to feel guilty over having a trigger. stop fucking bringing it up. stop rationalizing. it is ok.

what isn’t ok?

making ur rationalizations and look to trans women to absolve u of ur sin. this isn’t our fucking job, ok? we have enough shit to deal with, without trying to deal with ur bullshit explanation for why our bodies = the bodies of men. just move on. go on with ur life. don’t date trans women. don’t talk to us. don’t even fucking look at us. trust me. no one will fucking miss u.

take care of ur shit and leave us the fuck alone, ok? OKAY?

and if u need absolution… y not trying fucking defending us????? hmm??? recognizing our humanity and womanhood DOES NOT REQUIRE THAT YOU EVER SEE US NAKED. EVER. maybe if u just stfu about ur trigger and not engage in discourse that is routinely used to kill and marginalize us, u can do what u need to do to feel safe WITHOUT also opppressing us.

novel idea. i know.