i dream of being possible

nothing but rocks and hard places

Was just having a conversation with Luna about how one of the main factors of being a person oppressed by racialized transmisogyny (PORT) is that you never get to feel safe. Not ever.

Literally every decision I make about how to embody and present my gender makes me feel unsafe. Every decision ends up being violent and harmful. In some way.

That’s, of course, the actual problem. Every decision feels like trying to decide between which type of violence you can live with. Which will let you feel even slightly safer. Which might let you live just a bit longer. Be a bit happier. Live a litter freer.

Do I go deep stealth and live in fear of my secret being discovered? Do I continue to try and live as a visibly trans person of colour?

Its funny looking at the decisions I make (and will make) in light of the current popular term for being ‘out’, which is ‘living authentically’. I’m not even sure what this means in a world so inherently and fundamentally violent towards PORT.

The easy way to answer this question is, people being able to freely live as they wish to.

Which is, of course, an impossibility when living within structural oppression.

I dream of being possible in a world with nothing but rocks and hard places.