i dream of being possible

its taken me quite a while to sort out my deal with socializing. i used to say that i was...

its taken me quite a while to sort out my deal with socializing.

i used to say that i was ‘anti-social” but this isn”t actually true. Or at least not true in the way that most people think of it. I don”t actually dislike or hate socializing.

i also thought (for the brief moment it took for me to google it) that maybe i had a social anxiety thing. this is also not true. socializing doesn”t give me anxiety.

instead, the root is with autism and the fact that i simply don”t appear to need/seek out/desire/crave social interaction to the same degree that many other people do.

i think it is common knowledge (or at least received folk wisdom) that people are social creatures. its a key element to our overall well-being and happiness. i don”t actually think this is untrue for me.

it is just that i appear to need much less of this than most of the people i know.

the fact that i”m generally unwilling to, for example, go to someone”s house party or whatever is simply because i don”t see the point. not anxious about it. there is just about a million things i”d rather do instead.

all of this is much worse when it comes to ppl i don”t know. like. i like seeing my friends. and am generally willing to go out to see them (and them alone) or for birthdays (because I think birthdays are important and they are about the only holidays i actually celebrate these days).

my issue is (and i”ve done this at parties), is that i”d rather sit by myself and play spider solitaire than talk to people i don”t know. because i very much don”t care, don”t need it, and don”t see the point.