i dream of being possible

ancestors, shoulders, and our departed

i had (and still am) triggered a great deal by this post by odofemi. i let a lot of my rage earlier.

but was almost incoherent. still feel like i am. for once. i actualy think i may end up crying during this. now tha ti’m hoem from work and dpon’t have to worry abou tlooking and acting like a real perosn.

beucae. that is the point isn’t it? that i’m not real. that we aren’t real. that our dead is just something… for a white woman to problaim that she is just above it all. above us.

here is perhaps. the hardest part of what i read.


a litany of prayers to the self and the Trans Ancestors


In the names of the Mothers, Sylvia Rivera and Marsha Pay-It-No-Mind Johnson,

the Daughters, Venus Xtravaganza and Greer Lankton,

and the Holy Ghosts, Mark Aguhar and Candy Darling,

I pray for the strength to not let my attention be diverted,

from the artwork and lifework of those Beautiful Queens.

and. now that i don’ ghave to pretend to be fuckntional . i read this and i want to cry. it feels likei ve been punched int the stonach. like someone vomited on my soul. i recognize most of these names. if any of them are white (the ones i don’t know) they are in the minority. s o why is it “trans ancestors”


this generalization white washes. are these TWoC and trans feminine IaoPoC publich property? do they ‘belong’ to all trans people?

(their legacy might benefit. work for. elnighten, free more than us. but do they ‘belong’ to all trans people? )

I mentioned in my initial response that the poit of this prayer is to say that radfems are not worth our time. is this true? might be easy for a white trans woman to say. will this praryer actually change all the ways tha t radfems excerise their insitutional power against us?

Sylvia Rivera didn’t thikn that radfems were not worth her time. she fought them (as they should be fought). i wrote this on twitter:

we do not do all the fighting and dying on the front lines, so a white woman can say she is ‘above’ the fray. x

odofemi’s bio says she is a feminst. this means that radfems are her responsibitliy. clean up your fucking mess.

I’m especially perturbed by a white woman invoking Mark Aguhar. Who, by everything I know about her, would not appreciate this. at all. x

Mark made it pretty clear that she was about and for brown #girlslikeus only. Forever and always. x

She is, more than anyone else invoked by odofemi, one of my ancestors. So, yeah. On this front? I have issues. Lots of them. x

the mention of Mark. particularly hurts. she wasn’t she didn’t

(not everything is for white people to consume)

this makes me feel like dying. i’m crying for frhte first simte in years. my heart is fucking broken.

oi can’t fucking think. i had another white woman call me a hate infused rage monster today. because after seeing one of my ancestors consumed by a white woman

i was too trigered to be nice.

because wer are morenster.

never human.

and people are too concerned with how i misunderst ood (but i didn’t) ‘standing on the shoulders’

(i know how brahms is. and who’s shoulders he stood on)

[ive bene oholding my tears in all day.

i feel like i’ve been destroyed.

but hey

who cares.

some white womana has an awesome point to make about radical feminists.

it isn’t even about that.

– when i die. whill my soul be consumed by white people? will it/ –

id on’t want to be eaten


odofemi says

I stand on the shoulders of Ancestors spanning all of time, in every culture,

____ she stands on me. she will consume me.

i will be eaten. did Mark live for this? did she die for this?

is this why im afraid to leae the house/ why white people are so tearyinfyng?



hist hurst too much.