being a complex person

i can be both compassionate and heartless.

something went down in the ‘feminist’ online community recent. where a certain someone finally (or so is claimed) quit the internet and we can all look forward to hopefully never having to see anything ever again by him.

seeing some comments about ableism and whatnot. which, yeah, not belittling people’s mental health problems is a good thing.

but. on the other hand, this doesn’t mean you have to care. i don’t. whatever. the world would be significantly better off without him.

recently, i said that i didn’t care about cory montieth’s death. i don’t. this planet is better off without him. the character he played was oppressive and sent messages that helps a certain demographic of people feel smug and complacent in the fact the they are good, white liberals. as a human being? not like he ever did anything for me. and. i can also see the vast disparities between what happens when a white d00d dies of addiction related things (everyone mourns) and when a Black woman dies of similar (Black people mourn while white people continue to make her the butt of jokes).

and it is interesting, since i’ve been seeing a lot of discussion about addiction and how it impacts people, families, and communities. good. great. but why only after a white guy dies? who’s life is valuable? everyones? not as far as i can tell.

i was recently talking with something and i mentioned i only gave change (when I have it to spare) to iaopoc panhandlers. i have sympathy for white homeless people, but no compassion.

ppl talk about compassion fatigue. which i get. because i only have so much care to give. i try to save most of mine for twoc. because. well.

few others are giving most/all of their compassion to #girlslikeus

and i can’t be said or mournful, even for show, when people who’ve actively contributed to my oppression die.