I’m having some interesting feelings about Diana Tran turning down the money that was raised for her.

Her choice and I’m cool with that.

Less cool with the idea that someone else deserves it more. Her reason.

Because…

This is one of those things that must be thought about in terms of the model minority shit that Asians have to deal with. How we are expected to work, work, work, work and never accept handouts.

My dad was like this. There were times when we were so poor that maybe going on welfare might have been a good idea. He was too proud and it was also the 80s, and his immigrant head was filled with notions of welfare queens and all sorts of negative anti-Black shit.

(he couldn’t possibly demean himself by doing what those terrible Black people did and accept charity, handouts. he could work. he wasn’t lazy like *them*. – I’ve mentioned before that my dad was/is massively anti-Black here is one example.)

Our struggle is pure because we do it without complaining and without getting help. Asking for help is embarrassing and weak.

And to a certain extent, I think many of us are raised with the idea that our struggle (if we even are willing to admit any struggle) isn’t important ‘cause someone *always* has it worse.

My feelings and thoughts are all over the place with this.

All over.

It hurts my heart and I don’t even know.