my last word
October 23, 2012
Not too long ago I got an email from a friend saying that she was cutting me out of her life, filtering my emails and blocking me. I, likewise, decided to block her and filter her emails, since I tend to be quite decisive about the end of relationships. I posted this post about her.
Apparently, after she read the post (I wasn’t as cut out as I thought), she emailed me. I didn’t get the email because her address was filtered out. Few weeks later, I get an ask on tumblr accusing me of talking all posting all kinds of stuff about her and how she is hurt that I think she reminds me of my dad and how she is emotionally manipulative (ie, ‘guilting’ me into being her friend).
She continues to post ranty shit about on her site when I don’t respond in precisely the exact way that she demands. Also putting all kinds of words in my mouth and accusing me of things I never did.
What makes the situation tough is the fact that she keeps reading my blogs and attacking me based on stuff I’ve never said, relying on her apparent authority to decide what does and does not count as emotional abuse.
Because, the message I’m getting, loud and clear is that she is the only one who gets to make boundaries. The only one who can be triggered. The only one who can be hurt. The only one who knows that is or isn’t abuse.
Yet, I’m supposed to understand her side of things, when she has never given me any benefit of the doubt or any understanding. I’m supposed to just nod my head and acquiesce to her authority on all things abuse. I’m expected to swallow and consume all her rage and vitriol because her mental health is supposed to matter more to me than my own.
She still reminds of my dad. My gut still tells me I’m being manipulated and abused. I still stand by my statement that I should have got away when I had the chance.
Someday soon, I’ll think that I matter enough not to put myself through shit like this anymore.