I’m in the middle of migrating to a new host, and i’m fairly certain that everything is ready and that it is time to make the move.
so. fair warning.
this blog will be down on
I’m hoping to do all the work overnight, so that most people won’t even notice anything, but if i give myself two days i’ll be sure to have enough time to move and troubleshoot any problems that come up
the cis white lesbian senator has proposed an amendment to bill c-279
because she is a bullshit terf at heart
this is the furthest the trans rights/gender identity non-discrimination law has got.
this has the chance of killing the bill entirely if the senate votes ‘yes’ on the amendment (because this session will end at the end of the month, and any laws that haven’t been passed, die and the whole process will need to start over).
if the senate votes ‘no’ then it is possible that canada will finally include gender identity in the human rights code (as a recognized ground for discrimination)
it is shit like this that totally reminds me that some of my biggest oppressors are white cis lesbians. because if this fails because of this. it will be her fault and her fault alone. and i have zero doubts that she will continue doing this for as long as she remains in the senate (canadian senate appointments are for life).
And that book cited in the quotations i posted about the history of tattooing?
Bodies of Inscription by Margo DeMello
i read that years ago. like… maybe in 2002?
and back then, i thought it was interesting that her thesis was largely about how the middle class ‘appropriated’ tattooing from the working class (inclusive of sailors).
which of course is some seriously white bullshit
because her primary lens for looking at and contextualizing contemporary white tattooing is almost entirely based in class…
despite the very real colonial and racial aspects (which for obvious reasons, strongly intersect with class, especially during the time periods that she discusses, and fuck still especially true today).
you often hear people (usually the ones with privilege) whining about how sj warriors are ‘too sensitive’. and it just struck me as strange (and amusing) because, i fundamentally think that i am still not sensitive enough.
and that, in many ways, i’ve been working for years on becoming more and more sensitive to oppression and its operations.
i’ve somewhat mentioned before, about how i lived with a white supremacist and transmisogynist white d00d for years? years that i spent laughing at ironic racist jokes. years i spent with him policing my gender. years being abused and having my self confidence destroyed.
all because i wasn’t sensitive enough.
and then there are all the people i hurt with oppressive thoughts, attitudes, and actions because i wasn’t sensitive enough to how my actions can directly contribute to the oppression of someone else
because it only serves oppressors when we are desensitized to oppression
people cry ‘ur too sensitive’
and all they want me to do
is not care
when i’m dehumanized
about my safety
about my freedom
just not care
and i see people talking about mixed race feels… while i do have them, i also kinda don’t? i mean i’m mixed but my filipino dad raised us by himself because he threatened to kidnap us and raise us in manila if my mom didn’t give him custody.
and all of my white family (save my mom) lived across the country and spoke even less english than my filipin@ side, so i mostly just id as pinay because i grew up in a diasporic community of small, brown people. and i don’t even know what thanksgiving dinner without pancit and rice actually looks like.
i think most of my mixed race feels come from people outside of my family (who rarely perceive me as pinay – but Chinese/Japanese/misc Asian/Latina/white — in descending order) and the microaggressive reactions of ‘what are you’ ‘you look really exotic’ etc.
but. idk. maybe because my dad was a serious filipino nationalist (he gave me a copy of noli me tangier once) and that because i had no friends 90% of my socializing happened within my family and that all of our family trips/vacations were 100% related to visiting family
but i’ve always just felt pinay. and id’d that way too. and i feel 100% secure and comfortable in my id, despite the disbelief i regularly encounter.
because i can feel my connection to my ancestors in my bones. my spirit knows where it is from and who my people are.
and this is something that is always mine. and no one can take from me.
i doubt and feel insecure about many things, but this has never been one of them. and it never will be.
(this was posted on fb, but i’m archiving here)
and **still** their straw man arguments listing irrelevant facts are
considered more ‘rational’ than either my original post or my gif reactions
(which amount to me rolling my eyes, or doing the same pointing and
laughing they are doing to me).
of course, these white people are so used to everyone treating every single
exhalation of their mayo scented breaths as the fucking gospel
that they seriously expect me to engage them.
look. i could also name irrelevant facts
3 is a prime number
the sky is usually blue
water is wet
red is red
some european cultures had tattooing traditions
and, what, pray tell, does any of this have to do with contemporary white
via Tumblr http://share.biyuti.com/post/52740418343
i started CBT over a month ago but i’ve only had two sessions so far. it is partly due to my therapist going on vacation and there being a large gap between sessions and partly because i’m completely stuck at this stage.
i’m supposed to be making activity schedules and setting goals so that we can mark my progress. the activity schedule is fine, whatever, but i’m having a lot of trouble with the setting goals part.
i mean, part of this is, is that i simply don’t know what ‘better’ looks like for me. Like. Idk. anxiety has been such a constant thing in my life that i can’t really imagine what my life could be like without it (i guess with going on meds i’m having a slightly better idea of what my life can be like with a lot less anxiety — and it is pretty great).
but. i mean. my problem with setting goals is just. what is better? idk. idk.
especially since i’m also trying to understand the impact that having nld has on my life and trying to move past the ableist expectation that better = behaving neuro-typical. like, part of the problem is that, by and large, i actually like my life right now. like, i just want to stop feeling anxious, but i’m pretty okay with how things are going right now (despite being poor and having a hard time finding a full time position that would get me out of poverty — but while i’m poor i have a home and enough food to eat, so, it isn’t dire or as bad as it could be).
like, do i want to socialize more? not really.
see. i don’t even really know where to begin with all of this. it doesn’t help that i’ve kinda been too busy to really think about it all.
i’m pretty happy that i made the decision to take CBT slowly (although i’m wondering if my therapist might just fire me or something if i don’t make another appointment soon)
is that i still listen when people tell me I don’t matter
and because i believe people when they tell me they matter more
constantly willing to jeopardize my mental health
sacrifice my sense of self
and the narcissistic altars of their egos
than it has for quite some time.
a sort of…
sigh of relief.
maybe it is because i’ve been pushed past, past my ability to can
just can’t anymore
and i won’t
this is the post on the binary that they are talking about
like it is super clear that samuraipenguin123 has a very… simplistic understanding of colonialism and operations of power (on stop of creating a straw man of my argument — their implication is that i claim binarism played a greater role than it did in colonisation).
But note how they say: the binary and gendered oppression is at the very very bottom of the ways used to destroy culture. note that they are including all manner of ‘messing with gender’ and that there are easier ways to subjugate and destroy communities. okay. sure.
like even if you don’t buy my argument about the binary, like it is pretty obvious to see how the white patriarchy had a significant role in colonialism, the subjugation of people, and destruction of communities. really.
but this commentator (from reddit of course), feels that the targeting of trans feminine iaopoc was a side-effect, rather than a goal of colonialism.
now i could talk about how, at least as far as the Philippines is concerned, that statement is factually and historically incorrect. transmisogyny was a necessary component to solidifying colonial power there.
but i’d rather talk about the inherent transmisogyny in talking about how colonialism impacted trans feminine iaopoc as a ‘side-effect’ and, you know, incidental to the ‘real’ tools of colonialism. this statement, despite that it is pretty easy to see that trans feminine iaopoc today are disproportionately living with the legacy of colonisation, experience far more violence and oppression than many (if not all) segments of their respective communities. despite the fact that many former colonies have colonial era laws still on the books who’s only purpose is criminalizing trans feminine iaopoc
samuraipenguin123 thinks that, despite the rather obvious evidence to the contrary, that the oppression of trans feminine iaopoc was a ‘side-effect’ of colonialism. okay. they are certainly right about one thing, though: us and our oppression ‘has got to be at the very very bottom’.